Loss, Gain, and Bebe’s Room

So, I’ve kinda been putting this post off for a couple of weeks now. And for a couple of reasons.
4 years ago, Nick and I were thrilled to find out we were expecting. We had prayed for
God to grow our family in His timing and almost exactly one year after our first anniversary, that extra little blue line appeared on the test. It seemed right. It seemed like our life was going just as smoothly as most other young couple’s lives and “plans”. We weren’t even nervous or scared. We knew we wanted to be parents and here was the baby that God was giving us. Better yet, we were traveling back to Iowa that next week and would be able to tell our families in person! Yup, our life was a bowl of peaches.
We lost our baby shortly after we returned home from our trip. We hadn’t even had the chance to tell most of our friends or church family that we were pregnant so when I miscarried, I didn’t know how to react to people.
So, there we were 13 hours away from our family..away from the people we had just shared our joyful news with…away from future grandparents making plans to be in TN during baby’s birth month…away from siblings excited to be aunts and uncles. It was just us.
Our first tragedy as a couple. Our first shared hurt. The first time we couldn’t fix the problem. We couldn’t help our child.
In the weeks that followed, we tried to carry on our routine life. I didn’t want to talk about it. I pushed through it and poured myself into anything and everything so I didn’t have to face the reality that nothing would ever be the same again. And it hasn’t. When you lose someone–no matter how long their life was– a little part of you leaves with them. Nick and I are familiar with loss. Possibly more than a lot of people our age– My brother, his mother, grandparents, friends, niece, and now
our child. Our child would have been a little over 3 years old now and we would have probably been “planning” for #2. My, how different our life would be. All that to say, our little one is never forgotten but God is preparing us for another little one living thousands of miles away.
I wanted to also share something that happened about a month ago. We had our first taste of attachment to a child and the heartbreak
of saying no. But I’m getting ahead of myself, let me back up.
Our agency advocates for many, many children from all of the countries that they work with. Each family within the programs are cleared by the country that they chose to adopt from and will receive a referral call from that country. That is likely how
we will find out about Bebe 🙂 But, our agency also has children who need to be placed in forever homes as soon as possible.
These children usually have intense medical needs and the orphanage cannot care for them like they need to. For this children, our agency sends out emails with pictures and explanations about the child to everyone who has completed their homestudy
and is in the waiting stage like us. We were told that if we were ever interested in one of these children, they will work with us to transfer us to that country,if needed. Typically, I know we will be unable to take the child because of the severe medical needs but I read the emails anyway. One Friday night, Nick and I were driving home and I opened the latest email.  There, staring back at me was the most precious little Bulgarian girl with dark curls and eyes. I quickly read through the description trying to find out why she needed a home right away. It didn’t have great detail other than “a serious skin condition”.
Well, I don’t know much about skin conditions but I do know there is a wide variety of what it could be. I showed Nick the email and we decided to email the program director about her. Thankfully, since she is from the Bulgaria program, the director is someone we know quite well. Of course, since it was the weekend I really didn’t plan to hear back from her until Monday so Nick and I were prepared to pray about her for a couple of days. I was surprised when I received a reply the next morning with additional information. The director gave me the name of the disease and I started researching like crazy. Needless to say, if we had allowed our excited and adoring emotions to take over, we would probably be over there right now picking her up. Thankfully, we had decided right from the start that we HAD to make sure we could give her the medical care she needed or it wouldn’t be a benefit to her to have her home with us.        Our family and a few close friends joined us as we spent Saturday and Sunday praying about her and talking through the care that she would need. Our family was an amazing support and I think we saw a glimpse of what it will look like when we bring Bebe home.
Along with researching the disease itself, I looked into doctors who specializes in the disease and what hospitals they were at. I also had to research our health insurance to see what specialty hospitals it covered. I’ll just mention the disease for a moment so you can realize the heartbreaking pain this precious little girl has to live with.It’s called Epidermolysis Bullosa (EB) and the disease causes terrible blisters when friction, sometimes even the slightest touch, occurs. This can be both on the inside and the outside of the body.
Visit this website to see more information: http://www.debra.org/whatiseb .
After realizing Nick and I were not equipped to give her everything that she deserved and needed, I had to tearfully write an email letting our agency know. So, even though she won’t be our little one, we get to pray that she finds her forever family soon! What an emotional weekend that was!
  Since we won’t find out the age or gender of Bebe until we get that glorious phone call, we decided not to completely decorate a bedroom yet. Instead, I saw an idea on Pinterest  for a “future baby room” wall and went with that! I’ve been collecting books and some various stuffed animals ( the ones pictured were gifts from my parents 🙂 ) and I think it’s pretty clear I’m a huge fan of maps and globes 😉 


Someday, Bebe’s picture will be in this frame!
1892 Map of Bulgaria I found at an antique store

  You also probably notice the completed puzzle of the flag of Bulgaria! That’s right! Another adoption fundraiser is done and it looks fantastic! I know we’ve said this about 1,000,000 times, but THANK YOU to all who donated! We raised $5,000! WHOA! 🙂 Check out all those names on the back of the puzzle!


As always, we are grateful for the support and love you all shows us by continuing to ask about the adoption, prayer, and following our story!



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