The moment I almost wanted to give up. And it probably won’t be the last.

When adoption is brought up, many people may ask about the country, the age of the child, why we are adopting, and even the cost of it. But one thing that is rarely brought up is this: how emotionally tolling is it?
Let me answer in one word: EXTREMELY.
Here’s the deal, as exciting as the opportunity to adopt is, it also tends to rule our life. Almost every big life decision we make is based on “well, how would that affect the paperwork we just sent in?”. Change jobs? Move to a different state? Move to a different city? Buy a house? Plan a trip(what if we get a call during that trip?)? The list goes on.
Need an example? Let me share something from a couple of weeks ago. As most of you saw on Facebook, we sent in our annually renewed homestudy to USCIS and were approved with immigration until April 2019. This means if we get a referral call and get matched with a child, we can bring them into the US when the time comes. Kinda a big deal, right?
The documents were mailed to our adoption agency so they can send them to Bulgaria. Annnnnd that’s when the mayhem started. I had just finished a crossfit workout and saw 2 missed calls–one from our homestudy agency and one from our adoption agency. Out of respect to the people involved, I am not going to share the details publicly but would be more than willing to share if you asked me in person. The basis of the matter was that specific paperwork was “missing” and some broken communication had revealed a health insurance issue on our part.  It was a bad enough situation that by the end of that day, I told my mom (all great ugly cries and break downs happen at Starbucks sitting across from your mom, right?!?) and Nick that I was prepared to be done with the process and walk away. I didn’t see how the issues could be resolved and quite frankly, I was ready and willing to throw in the towel. That may seem a little drastic but you have to understand we’ve been on this emotional roller coaster for almost 3 years now.  It eventually adds up to a freak out. Trust me, it’s not pretty.  Anyway, Nick, being the level-headed one, didn’t seem shaken by the obstacles at all. He kept telling me God would work it out and that he didn’t believe this was a door being closed. It’s not every day when I’ll admit Nick was right about something buuuuuut he was 100% right. God took care of everything, I mean EVERYTHING. The agencies worked it out and my wonderful sister and her husband provided a solution to the health insurance issue (Sibling of the Year award goes to….). Did this all get resolved in 24 hours? No, of course not. It was almost a week before we could breath a sigh of relief and move forward. But, I am thankful that it didn’t last longer and that I have a husband and family who love me in spite of my emotional freakouts.
I’m sure by now you are dissapointed that you read this entire post and it didn’t provide any new fun adoption information. Welcome to most days of my life….just kidding,just kidding. But yeah, that’s all I got right now.
I will leave you with a picture I posted on FB earlier this week. It was taken a month after Nick and I got engaged, 7 years ago. (WHAT. How did that even happen?!?) These two babies had no idea the twists and turns their married life would take and the young, fresh smiles show it.  All I know is there is no one I would rather be on this journey with than this handsome man right here 🙂 (Hey, let me be mushy. It’s February, the month of loooooove 😉 )

3 thoughts on “The moment I almost wanted to give up. And it probably won’t be the last.

  1. Being real, is living life, uglies and all!! Thank you for sharing. In life, we don’t get to pick our fairy tale life, but we do serve an Awesome God who sees us through it all! God perfectly placed you and Nick together to encourage and persevere, to remember all God has done, what he is doing, and what is in the future. Hugs and prayers!! ❤


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